It’s about time the cosmetic industry got on board with the deliciousness of bacon. And if you kiss a vegan with bacon lip balm they will immediately burst into flames. What else you would expect from the sages over at J&D’s, purveyors of baconnaise, bacon salt and all sorts of other delicious goodies.
Posts Tagged ‘Bacon’
If your wife won’t let you wear a bacon suit then it’s time to find another wife.
This bacon man will slap a vegan with his bacon backhand then give it a kiss with his bacon lips.
Real Hitler was a vegetarian, which means he was a prick. If he had looked more like a meateater (pictured above) history would have been a bit more peaceful.
This is not a bacon man. Notice the hipster glasses, limp noodle arms, 1980’s haircut and wedding ring? This is a vegan in a bacon suit. He has an angry granola wife. The only pleasure in his life is literature. Punch him in the face on sight and put him out of his misery.
We’ve all heard talk of Baconnaise (which comes second only to Bacon Lube) but there are plenty of other bacon-inspired products out there for the most devoted of meat lovers. And hey, not all of these products are made with real bacon, meaning you can even wrap them up and give them to your vegan friends for that next special occasion. I’m sure they’ll love it!
1. A wallet says something about you, so why not make a statement and be sure that everyone knows that you love bacon?
2. Nothing’s sexier to a meat loving man than a bacon bra. Pair that up with some bacon lube and you’ve got a hot night ahead.
3. Every meat lover should display their culinary preferences loud and clear, even when it comes to interior design, which is why you can’t miss out on the bacon lamp.
4. If the shoes make a women, then the ladies certainly won’t want to be caught without these.
5. During the time they’re not spending perusing meat related apps, iPhone addicts will want to protect their phone, and what better way then with bacon? (or what looks like bacon)
6. No self-respecting meat lover can go without keeping a bottle of Bakon Vodka on stock in the liquor cabinet.
7. Meat lovers are clean people — none of that dirty hippy shit — and they believe in dental hygiene, so make sure your friends are keeping their gums spic and span with bacon floss.
8. Nothing says business like bacon, which is why you don’t want to be without this briefcase.
If you are looking for the perfect evening wear for a full night of harassing vegans, this sleek, sexy meat dress might be the answer. Produced by costume hobbyist Jia and modeled on her website, this salami and bacon number is a perfect way to express your carnivorous style.
Salami and bacon were Jia’s meats of choice based on their workability and meatiness, although she admits that ham, prosciutto, jerky, and even hamburger are possible substitutes.
“I chose salami because it’s thin, keeps in one piece, and is quite cheap, and bacon because it looks very, um, meaty,” she writes.
After layering the meat over a cotton liner dress, Jia placed a layer of clear vinyl on top. It is very important to seal the bottom of the dress in order to catch the inevitable meat drippings.
So if you want to make friends with a lot of dogs, or piss off the hoards of self righteous vegans, give the meat dress a try. Just remember, it is recommended that you store the meat dress in the refrigerator, not the closet.
Here’s your Meatcandy thought for the day.
Whether gathered around a holiday roast or draped in finally tailored suits of bacon, the dead flesh of animals brings families together. It also proves my long trusted theory that there is nothing that cannot be improved by wrapping it in bacon: steaks, hot dogs, children…vegans?