It’s about time the cosmetic industry got on board with the deliciousness of bacon. And if you kiss a vegan with bacon lip balm they will immediately burst into flames. What else you would expect from the sages over at J&D’s, purveyors of baconnaise, bacon salt and all sorts of other delicious goodies.
Archive for the ‘Bacon’ Category
In his article Lard Times, writer Ben Leventhal explores bacon and the cult-crazies (like us) who worship it. The piece is mostly tongue-in-cheek, with Leventhal dishing out some witty stabs at bacon lovers that are meant more to be fun than truly insulting.
Leventhal writes about many of the big players helping to push the bacon movement along (such as our friends at Baconsalt), but besides calling us all a “cult of assholes,” he never really does any interesting or meaningful cultural digging into the phenomenon. But that’s to be expected of Leventhal, a blogger for eater.com, who is himself a fiend for meat.
If your wife won’t let you wear a bacon suit then it’s time to find another wife.
This bacon man will slap a vegan with his bacon backhand then give it a kiss with his bacon lips.
Real Hitler was a vegetarian, which means he was a prick. If he had looked more like a meateater (pictured above) history would have been a bit more peaceful.
This is not a bacon man. Notice the hipster glasses, limp noodle arms, 1980’s haircut and wedding ring? This is a vegan in a bacon suit. He has an angry granola wife. The only pleasure in his life is literature. Punch him in the face on sight and put him out of his misery.
Everything does in fact taste better with bacon. And apparently bacon is so delicious that there are even some vegetarians and vegans who shy from their anti-meat ways when it comes to the fried deliciousness… “I’m a vegan… but I don’t consider bacon a meat.” Doesn’t that just make you a bacontarian? We love bacon too, but we hate hypocrites even more.
In any event, here is still more proof that everything tastes better with bacon. Behold, Diet Coke with Bacon. Delicious, I’m sure. And if you go raid a vegan’s pantry I’m almost certain that they’ll be hiding a few of these. Steal them and bring them to their rightful place: in a meat lover’s fridge.
We’ve all heard talk of Baconnaise (which comes second only to Bacon Lube) but there are plenty of other bacon-inspired products out there for the most devoted of meat lovers. And hey, not all of these products are made with real bacon, meaning you can even wrap them up and give them to your vegan friends for that next special occasion. I’m sure they’ll love it!
1. A wallet says something about you, so why not make a statement and be sure that everyone knows that you love bacon?
2. Nothing’s sexier to a meat loving man than a bacon bra. Pair that up with some bacon lube and you’ve got a hot night ahead.
3. Every meat lover should display their culinary preferences loud and clear, even when it comes to interior design, which is why you can’t miss out on the bacon lamp.
4. If the shoes make a women, then the ladies certainly won’t want to be caught without these.
5. During the time they’re not spending perusing meat related apps, iPhone addicts will want to protect their phone, and what better way then with bacon? (or what looks like bacon)
6. No self-respecting meat lover can go without keeping a bottle of Bakon Vodka on stock in the liquor cabinet.
7. Meat lovers are clean people — none of that dirty hippy shit — and they believe in dental hygiene, so make sure your friends are keeping their gums spic and span with bacon floss.
8. Nothing says business like bacon, which is why you don’t want to be without this briefcase.
If you are looking for the perfect evening wear for a full night of harassing vegans, this sleek, sexy meat dress might be the answer. Produced by costume hobbyist Jia and modeled on her website, this salami and bacon number is a perfect way to express your carnivorous style.
Salami and bacon were Jia’s meats of choice based on their workability and meatiness, although she admits that ham, prosciutto, jerky, and even hamburger are possible substitutes.
“I chose salami because it’s thin, keeps in one piece, and is quite cheap, and bacon because it looks very, um, meaty,” she writes.
After layering the meat over a cotton liner dress, Jia placed a layer of clear vinyl on top. It is very important to seal the bottom of the dress in order to catch the inevitable meat drippings.
So if you want to make friends with a lot of dogs, or piss off the hoards of self righteous vegans, give the meat dress a try. Just remember, it is recommended that you store the meat dress in the refrigerator, not the closet.
Here’s your Meatcandy thought for the day.
From now on, every week Meatcandy will be bringing you meat from around the world. We want to make sure meat lovers everywhere know the options available to them… no matter what corner of the globe they find themselves in, and today’s comes from Sweden.
Not meat per se, yet made with a large amount of pig’s blood, blodpudding (easy translation: blood pudding) is a common staple in Swedish households. Commonly served with lingonberry jam, this delectable Scandinavian concotion is of course preferably consumed with a whopping side of bacon. Smakligt!
Whether gathered around a holiday roast or draped in finally tailored suits of bacon, the dead flesh of animals brings families together. It also proves my long trusted theory that there is nothing that cannot be improved by wrapping it in bacon: steaks, hot dogs, children…vegans?